Midnight chimes call me to slumber
But my mind races violently through memories
Dragging my heart through hot coals as it wonders
Who are you now?
Is the smile still coy
And are the eyes still filled with youthful exuberance?
Is the mind still unsure of life
And do the hands know what to do with the heart they now hold?
You appeared to roll in like a steam train out of thin air
And disappear just as unforgivingly
Giving one congratulated person
A short but plunging ride
As I look back now from times that should be blissful
My eyes well up at how intimate our collision was
And how the distance beyond that grew harder
How I wished you could have shared those moments with me
We had no spark, you felt.
You needed space.
You needed someone who could resist you more
And not have you consume their entire being
And I lay and changed into something I wanted you to want
And time taught me to care for myself
But I still look back and mourn the youthful exuberance and joyful ignorance I had
Before I poured my heart and soul into memories that I can no longer touch.
Now I lay here with my new lover
I pray he does not do the same
I push him away
And he wonders how a symphony could make me cry
I wish I had more than words to convey my grieving
The loss of a hopeful and trusting girl
Who was so sure she was on a quick route to heaven
But fell hard to earth as a woman who only knows how to hurt.
Vanilla Convalescence 